Sick

I'm sick... I just woke up this morning with a horrible cough and a runny nose. So now, my back and neck hurt from the nerve pain, and I'm sick. This is great. One more shift and then I'm off for Monday...

Dreams

Ok. Today,we went to Kiel's parent's house for his mom's birthday. Kiel's brother's Daniel and Todd were there. But after we got home, I was feeling really tired. I ended up laying down and taking a nap. I started dreaming. What I dreamt still bothers me.

I dreamt that I was in the mountains somewhere, I'm not sure where. My brother, Andrew, was there. He had Mom's jewelery box with him. I was talking to him, and I asked him if I would ever be able to talk to Mom and Dad again. He looked at me and said, "No, we don't want you anymore. I don't think Mom and Dad will ever want you to be their daughter again." I started to run away from him, and no matter where I ran, he was there. He kept handing me Mom's jewelery box to me. When I looked inside of it, it had all of my baby jewelery; my necklace I wore in K-5, pendants that I have been missing ever since I left home and wondered what happened to them.. It was crazy. No matter where I went, he kept saying, "We don't want you anymore. You're not my sister anymore." Andrew looked older, almost like he was grown. He definately looked different than he did when I last saw him.

I awoke in a cold sweat and tears, and I hardley ever do that. Not to mention my clear skin had sprouted a zit on my chin. I felt emotionally drained, and weighed down. Even now, hours later, the dream is so fresh with me that I can't get it out of my mind. I think I'm going to call Anita. Anita always helps me to feel better.

Oh Stars...

I think my endometriosis is really flaring up again.. My stomach is uneven on the left side again. The quicker I can get insurance, the better. It's not uneven when I lay flat, only when I stand up. So that's a good sign, but once it gets to the point where it's uneven when I lay flat, I'm staring down the barrel of another surgery. I really need to hurry up and get insurance again.

Work went really well for the first night. I work again tonight, so that will be good. Trying to make as much money as I can (or is possible for what I'm doing). More to come guys :)

<3,
Tina

Dream about Mammaw...

My back is KILLING me. My lower back just feels like it's on fire. I hope it doesn't have anything to do with my Endometriosis, but only time will tell I guess.

So here's something interesting that happened within the last 12 hours. Two nights ago, I dreamt an incredibly vivid dream that I was sitting in Mammaw's living room. I was sitting on the couch that is up against the mirror on the wall. I could see all around the room. All of the sudden, Anita was sitting in Granddaddy's chair, Mammaw was sitting in her recliner, Granddaddy was standing next to her, and my Dad was standing in the doorway of the living room. Here's where it got a little strange. Mammaw's hospice bed was in the middle of the room, but Mammaw looked completely well. Just like she had always looked over the years. She was in that white shirt with the little flowers she had and her green stretch pants. She was very quiet. Then Curtis was all of the sudden there sitting next to me. My Dad started saying that he was there to help with Mammaw, which was weird because Mammaw wasn't sick. But I got the distinct feeling that we all knew Mammaw had passed away already, yet I still couldn't understand why she was there at first. Only after waking up and thinking about it did I come to the conclusion that Mammaw was there in spirit, because she didn't say a word, she just observed. My Dad started talking in a loud voice saying that he was going to help out more, and that he was sorry for not being there like he should have been; however, I got really angry after hearing this. I stood up and started yelling at Dad. I was saying that I didn't believe him, that he was saying all of that to save face basically, and I looked at Curtis and Anita and they both looked at me and agreed with me by nodding at me. Curtis had a smile on his face but in a very sarcastic way. My Dad started talking over me and I told him to BE QUIET. I distinctly remember that part. Mammaw kept still and only looked in my direction when I got up and said to Dad, "You have done this for years. You say whatever you have to in order to save face and cover your butt. That's your gift in this life, and you're SOOOO good at it. It makes me sick." Mammaw looked at me and had a sad expression on her face, yet still didn't speak. Anita spoke up and said, "I feel sorry for you. You missed out on so much that Christina went through. You should be ashamed of yourself." Curtis nodded and said (in just the way Curtis always does), "Yeah, you really blew this one." Dad never moved, and didn't try to defend himself after that. I looked around the room one more time and that's when I saw Mammaw getting up out of her chair and walking to the door. I followed her to the door and she turned to me and said, "I have to go now. I have to go back home." I said to her, "Mammaw, you are home." She looked at me and said, "This isn't my home anymore." She opened the door but I couldn't see the street, I just saw a blur from the outside, and she looked at me one more time and said, "Be at peace with this. You can't keep beating a dead horse. You needed to say what you said for you to have peace with it. Now that you've said it, leave it alone. You can't do anything more. Just pray for them. I'll be watching." She was halfway out the door when she turned to me one last time and said, "Be careful and watch where you walk. You might hurt yourself." She walked out the door, the door shut, and I looked into the living room and her hospice bed was made. I tried to open the door but I couldn't. I kept trying to get the door open but it wouldn't budge for me. I looked at Dad and it was like everyone but me was frozen where they were. I went to the kitchen window and I saw Mammaw walking down the driveway towards the white car that was parked at the foot of the driveway. I turned around and that's when I woke up. That was 2 nights ago.

Tonight, I was coming home from the store and when I pulled into the driveway I wasn't watching where I was going. I was fiddling with my keys and walked right into a trailer hitch that was extending over the walkway. I've done this twice now in the past 2 days since the dream. I have an imprint of it on my shin. There's a bruise there that's forming, but this past time I did it, I remembered what Mammaw had told me in my dream "Be careful and watch where you walk. You might hurt yourself." It gave me goosebumps this past time I did it. I've done it twice since I had the dream and you would have thought I had learned the first time. The second time is when it really clicked and I remembered Mammaw's words from the dream. It made me miss my Mammaw. I'll pray that God gives me dreams about her more often. Even though it was an odd dream, I still earnestly felt Mammaw's presence.

Love you always Mammaw

Tina

The cliffwalk by the beach in Rhode Island

The boat on the far left is the one we rode around in for 3 and a half hours....

Pete and Becca during their vows

The wedding ceremony. All the brothers look so cute in their suits

Newport, Rhode Island

An interesting view of the bay at the wedding

This was where Pete & Becca got married: A cliff overlooking the ocean in Newport, RI

The Curran brothers at Pete & Becca's wedding in Rhode Island

Me and Novaja, Von & Bess's daughter

Just before I started working at Harbor Club, apparently Al Gore paid us a visit. We found this on the old Harbor Club digital camera reel

Kiel & I on the 4th of July

So... The job search continues. I've been running around like a crazy person this week trying to find a job. As of right now, I have an interview at the Sheraton in Norfolk for the Restaurant Manager position on Monday. There was an add in the paper advertising for all positions, and I mean ALL... haha. Monday I meet with the General Manager, so hopefully that will pan out. My fall-backs are still UBS in Norfolk as a secretary. Or, Empire Little Bistro is looking for bartenders.

My brown recluse bite is almost completely heeled. Now, there's just a small black dot on my leg. No more gaping holes oozing with black blood anymore! Fabulous, just fabulous.

I was thinking about this the other day, and in the year to come, it just might happen for me. Once I get my money situation taken care of, I would really like a small dog... I've had dogs almost my whole life, but never a small one. All of my dogs in the past have been galevanting horses almost. This would be a nice change of pace I should say. Who knows, maybe by the New Year I'll have a small dog named Boomer... Only time will tell.

Other than that, things have been pretty tame over the past few days. Almost too tame, and that scares me a bit! Things are never too quiet for long when it comes to me and my life. I always wait for the other shoe to drop; and in my case, it always does. The guys are doing well. Von continues to work hard every day at his job. Bess (Von's girlfriend) is doing really well working at the Oysterette down the street. Novaja (Von & Bess's daughter) is 5 and is a beautiful little girl. She and I were watching Beauty & The Beast a few weeks ago (one of my personal favorites). During one of the singing and dancing scenes, Novaja and I were interupted by Kiel who bursted into the room and began to dance about and burst into song. The whole scene was quite funny to me, but Novaja, on the other hand, was not having it. Kiel finally decided to leave, and Novaja looks up at me and says (just as serious as a heart attack), "I don't know how you put up with him." 5 years old going on 25 years old.
Kiel is doing good. Content in unemployment, he's been bumming around the house playing video games, growing a beard, and watching movies. I'm happy for him. He's worked hard for so many years. This is his well-deserved break.

I guess that's all for now. I leave you now with the above pictures...enjoy! :) You have to start at the bottom of the pictures and work your way up. I'm still getting the hang of this thing...

My best friend Melissa aka MY BUDDY

That's me, the retard with the paint on my face.

My beautiful Aunt Anita, me & Kiel on the eve of my birth :)

The Beginning

So everyone is pretty aware of the craziness that is my life. As of this moment, I'm still looking for a job. I've been sending my resume via email for the past few hours. As of right now, I'm unhappily unemployed....

Things are ok other than that. My birthday was spectacular! The eve of my birth was spent with Anita, Theresa, Kiel, Donna Jean, Curtis, Anita2 & Granddaddy. We went to Cheddars and had lunch. It was really good to see everyone. Shout outs to Jess, Amanda, Josh & Travis. They were there in spirit. My parents and brother, I trust, kept me in there thoughts... The next day, the Currans gave me my very own Princess birthday party. It was so nice of them to do that and I had a blast. The rest of my birthday was thrilling in its own way as you can imagine.

Thank you to my family for all they did on my birthday!! I love you all. Melissa, my best friend in the world, thank you- I love you girlie. Kiel, you made sure I had a special birthday. I love you more with every day. Von & Var- you guys are like the big brothers I never had. You guys make me smile. Bess- you just made me laugh continuously throughout the whole night. So glad we became friends.

That's enough for now.. ;) Night everybody